Life post graduation, changing friendships, and the awful graduate job market

It's been almost a year since I graduated, and it's safe to say I have had my run in with the highs and lows of post grad life. In the past year I've moved to a new city, worked three very different jobs, had a whole career and future crisis, spent a lot of time trying to stay in touch with and see all my friends that are now spread over the country, and had to work out silly adult things like council tax and registering at a new GP, all while still having to call my mum to ask her what setting I should wash my sheets on and how to get stains out of my favourite jeans. Being a "baby adult" is hard. Part of me still feels too young to be out in the world trying to get a job and plan my future, but I also feel so grown up with my whole degree, and a flat, and a bunch of houseplants that rely on me (or to be honest mostly my boyfriend) to keep them alive. The two things I've noticed the most though when having conversations with friends who are in the same stage of life as me are 1) life post grad feels a lot more lonely, you go from seeing your friends everyday to having to plan catch ups at the pub 3 weeks in advance. Everyone is busy, everyone is on different schedules, no one lives near each other anymore, and it just feels difficult compared to when you could just randomly bump into people in the library or Tescos or Spoons. And 2) the job market for grads sucks. I know this is out there a lot but it really does. The thing is, everyone is in the same boat. I have a bunch of very hard working amazing friends who mostly all have jobs in finance in the city, and this left me feeling a bit like a failure when I've spent the year bouncing between temporary roles and trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. But what I have realised is that that is more than okay. So many more people than you think are also in this position, and once you start to talk about it with each other everyone feels a bit better. Its okay to have some time in your 20s to figure it out. It's okay to work in a coffee shop, its okay to get that 8-8 consulting job too. Everyone is at a different stage, and this feeds back into the it being hard to find time to meet up with friends thing. But that too is okay.

I firstly want to touch on the friendships aspect of things. This is probably what I miss most about university. Having to go from living with my best friends, seeing my course mates everyday, being able to meet up with people for a quick coffee in a library break with not much notice, and constant social events, to jam packed schedules that don't align meaning pub trip catch ups are planned once a month if possible, everyone has to travel to see each other, and plans are not so effortless anymore. I was lucky that two or three of my closest friends, my sister, and my boyfriend also moved to London so I do get to see them relatively often, but with everyone working in different industries schedules don't always align. I also have moved in with my boyfriend which is the best thing ever, I was obviously a little nervous about this but having your best friend at home everyday to just hang out with is so much fun. Aside form that, I still have friends in Oxford, friends who moved up North, friends who have spent the year travelling South America and Asia and moving to Australia , so the long distance aspect of friendships really sucks. I get some much joy from spending time with my friends and sharing i their lives and what they are up to so navigating this has not been much fun. One thing that has got me through this is voice notes. To be honest 'm not a great texter, especially when I have a lot to say, so decided to swap to voice notes where I can waffle my heart away to the people who would have normally heard my everyday yapping and I've found it a much easier way to keep each other up to date. I also have found that just because you aren't seeing someone every week it doesn't mean the friendship is any different when you do see them. When I have managed to align schedules I always have such a great time with my friends and I am so grateful that uni gave the chance to meet them all! The final thing on this note is having friends at work. I'll get into what I've been up to this year in a bit but I've found that I really value having people around my age that I can chat to in the work place. I like a yap, and just because I'm in a professional setting doesn't change the fact that I want to be able to chat to people. My favourite job this year was working in a team of graduates around my age and although the work was tricky at times, being bale to sit with them on my lunch break and compare stories, give advice, sense check things, and have a laugh, I have found matters so much to me.

Now its time to get into the chaos that is the job market. I, like most final year undergrads, spent a lot of my final year at uni applying to jobs. First it was grad schemes, then ad hoc roles that came out, and even PhDs at one point. I had very little idea what I actually wanted to and the hours spent writing cover letters, doing online assessments, and prepping for interviews just to be turned away. I did eventually get an internship on the outskirts of London doing a Process Science role so took it and started that in September. The job however was not for me, and I decided it wasn't an area I wanted to pursue further. This left me once again unemployed and with no clue what I wanted to do in November time so I started again with he grad scheme application grind and it is truly exhausting. Applying to jobs is a full time job in itself, especially when there are so many qualified grads applying for a decreasing number of roles. Even with a degree form Oxford I wasn't really getting anywhere, and what really didn't help was the stream of people telling me that, "you've got an Oxford degree so finding a job will be easy". Looking back, one of the reasons for my lack of success was because I didn't have any passion for what I was applying for. I didn't really want to join a corporate grad scheme but its what everyone else was doing so I thought I should be too. I got a job working retail over the Christmas period and learnt so many skills in that role. When that ended I got a job as a teaching assistant in a secondary school and this is where I found my passion. It took a while and a bit of waffling about to figure out what I wanted but I needed that year of trial and error to confirm that teaching was for me. I begin my PGCE in Secondary Chemistry in September and am beyond excited to begin. So if you're in the same situation, what I would suggest is taking the time to find out what you enjoy, and not feeling guilty that you haven't immediately started your long term career. Try a bunch of different careers, and see what sticks. See what matters to you. And ignore everyone that says you should have a "proper" job just because you've graduated from a top university. Its okay to use your Oxford degree to work in a coffee shop for a bit. Or to take that masters and use it to volunteer, or coach sports, or do whatever it is you happen to find that can make you money whole you figure it all out. Just because everyone wants a job in corporate finance doesn't mean you need to want that to. Or if you do and you're being hit with the brutal lack of graduate roles then enjoy the time exploring other industries and roles before you start the 9-5 grind. Take time to enjoy the version of yourself that you are becoming even if you don't feel like its taking steps along the career path you want. You'll be gaining skills and experience in life I promise! It took me a long time to accept his but actually I've had a wonderful year enjoying taking time to exist rather than always having to achieve.

I want to finish on this quote that I've had on my vision board this past year and that I really believe is true. "Focus on who you are becoming, not just what you are achieving". This year may not have been the slay start to my career that I wanted it to be. But during this time I have learnt so much. I have figured out what I value in a job (my colleagues, and something where I feel the work matters) and what I'm willing to compromise on (pay, commute, and other people's opinion of the industry). The opportunity to work in an office environment, and a customer facing retail role, and with young people has given me such a broad skill set and helped me confirm where I want my future to lie. So on paper I might not have achieved that much this year, I might not have earned lots of money or made any sort of progression, but I have been happy, I have put myself out of my comfort zone so many times, and I have become a more confident person for it. I've learnt to maintain a new style of friendships and also to value my own company. I've tried a whole bunch of new hobbies, and decide what really matters to me. When I look back on who I am becoming thats the real win from this year, and that's why this quote resonates so much with me, and I think it will too with a lot of fresh grads.